Sunday reflections: Is man capable of sustaining the unconditional love he has for his wife?
My wife, Annica and I (Okyeame Kwame) got married because we loved each other dearly.
However, our marriage encountered some resistance from the families of the two of us.
You will get to know more about that in “Love Locked Down” which will be coming out next month.
I used to pay much attention to public opinion back then, and thought too much about the worst case scenario.
We got married with the conviction that the only thing that could break our bond was infidelity.
Over the years, I became increasingly aware of the fact that the fear of losing my wife would not come from her cheating on me, but from the angle that she loves me purely only if she does not desire other men.
How unreasonable I was to cling to such a thought!
This woman gave up her career ambitions and some of her dreams to help build the life we have built, and I only measure her love by how well she meets my conditional definition of love?
I realized that the love I have for my children and my mother is unconditional.
I love them, no matter what. They can stab me, spit on me, insult me, poison me or even try to kill me and my love for them will never die.
But my love for my wife — who has been my best friend and life partner sacrificing greatly for me — is conditional on not desiring any other man, and when that happens, we are done! How selfish and unreasonable is that?
As I have re-evaluated my love for Annica, I have been mindful about dissipating my fears, checking my attachment tendencies, and freeing myself from what natural sexual thoughts she has.
Annica, in an interview with Delay on the Delay Show, said that if I cheated she would forgive me. Could I do the same? Four years ago, I would have said, NO! But today, I can say YES!
I am in a place where my love for my wife is not conditional. There is nothing that will make me stop loving her (even if we are not together ) , just as there is nothing that will make me stop loving my mother or my children.
For me, this is my unconditional love (love without fear). I will not even judge my wife or label her as a cheat if she ever falls in the arms of another man.
She is an independent human being making her own decisions based on her thoughts and feelings. I will not even have to forgive her because I have no expectations of what she should or should not do.
Forgiveness is not necessary, if we accept that people do what they do to themselves and not to us.
Mine is to love her – no matter what. I love unconditionally because love requires no conditions.
As you think about love in your life, honestly assess what conditions you have attached to the love you have for others.
Maybe what you thought was love may be attachment. Maybe it’s conditional love.
Marriage has taught me to love everyone and everything unconditionally. A happy Valentine’s Day to you all.
1 . Is man capable of sustaining unconditional love?
2. What conditions do you or others often place on love?
Author: Okyeame Kwame: an award-winning Ghanaian rapper, and entrepreneur.